MTC Week One

Hello everyone!!

I am alive and well! I have survived my first week at the MTC! It has definitely been a roller coaster of emotions. The first couple days, especially the first was extremely overwhelming and stressful! I thought I was doing good but man when it came time to go to bed, everything sort of hit and I was like whoa what am I getting myself into!

Fun fact there were 700 missionaries that arrived the same day I came and someone said total there was 2700 or so of us at the MTC! INSANE! But it has been so amazing to see all of these individuals who want to further the work of God and bring his children back! I can't help but to be overwhelmed with love and excitement for everyone!!

MY COMPANION IS THE BEST! God, no doubt, inspired whoever decided what sister would get placed with who, because she has been a tender mercy for me and honestly part of why I think I left as soon as I did. We are honestly so similar it is crazy! But what has been the biggest comfort in my companionship with her, is her ability to understand the feelings I have had since being here, because she is in the exact same boat and relates to the feelings of inadequacy and fear of not being able to measure up to all that we can and want to be. I am so grateful to have Sister Smith as my companion to talk to and learn and grow together.

The food here is actually pretty decent! The best day was day 4, Saturday, because for lunch I got fettuccine chicken Alfredo and broccoli and for dinner I had a chicken salad sandwich! I have also alternated between the same 3 drinks for every meal haha this raspberry lemonade, orange guava passion fruit juice and root beer (aside from water). My companion discovered the orange juice and soon realized it was a mistake (@Brian) but nonetheless she is good and neither of us have had trouble adjusting to the food :)) however the lines get crazy long sometimes and we ended up getting food 10 minutes before class once and were definitely late but our teacher was super chill about it.

So far I have had the chance to meet with and get to know four different practice investigators and one we actually met with twice and the second tine were able to teach her, her name was Emma, a mini lesson on a couple scriptures! She had been wondering if there is a God and how she can come to find peace and confort through Him. It was so cool to watch her face light up as we spoke! The spirit was so strong and even she had said that she feels warm and good when she meets with us, which led to a lesson on recognizing and feeling the spirit. I was actually inspired and able to share how I came to find peace after going through the hard times I did before going on my mission and she desired to know more and for her to come to that understanding herself. So we invited her to pray.

Yesterday, Monday, I got to teach my first real lesson with an investigator my companion and I went out, found and contacted!! IT WAS THE COOLEST THING EVER! We were told to prepare a 25 minute lesson on the first lesson in preach my gospel, on the restoration. So a couple days previous when we contacted her, her name is Kristina, we prepared a mini lesson plan during companionship study. When we rolled up to teach her, we first got to know her a little more and then started into the lesson. My companion and I felt it was going a few different directions as questions kept coming up and we both started to panic a little. After a minute we both felt that we needed to reign it in and simplify what we were teaching which led to me just pointing out the first point in the lesson which is, "God is our loving Heavenly Father." As soon as I said that, Kristina started to cry and stated, I love that he loves us! And for the remaining like 15 minutes we just taught a lesson on his love and how we can feel it, and come to know how much he loves us. It was the strongest I had felt the spirit since being here and all I could think was how much love I had for her knowing just how much love God has for her! Her background in religion was growing up christian and then her two sisters became atheists so they stopped practicing religion as a family altogether, then when she came up to BYU for school one of her friends actually worked at the MTC and invited her to go check it out and meet with missionaries so here we are! She was my tender mercy the day we found her.

Each day I have made it a goal to write down a tender mercy I noticed that day, an Idea I actually got from my companion. It has helped me to see God's hand in my life and to be more in tune with the spirit. The second day here we got to meet our Branch President and had the opportunity to meet with him one on one, but only my companion and I met with him, the rest of our district met with his two counselors. President Samuelian is amazing! He lives so close to God and the spirit it blows my mind! When I met with him, he said some of the craziest things that only my family knows and God through my patriarchal blessing! I was like oh my goodness. We talked and he asked how I was doing and then just said I could have been called anywhere in the wold and would have been amazing, but that someone in Edmonton needs me and that I would be a beacon of light. He said a few more things and then asked if I would like to have a closing prayer of receive a priesthood blessing. I immediately asked for the blessing and eagerly sat in the chair. He proceeded to give me my blessing and it was like God was speaking directly to me, through him. He said everything I had so earnestly been praying about. He talked about what an example I would be to the young women in the family ward in Canada, and the members of wards. He stated that I would serve those in the church just as much as those who aren't apart of it! He said my family would be taken care of and those I love would be in his hands while I'm gone and to stop worrying. He said that I am worthy to be here and that Heavenly Father is aware of where I am at, how I am doing and exactly what I am feeling. He told me that I will find peace and a sense of calm in the field and let my fears be at bay. A few more things were said and he ended and just stared at me and said, "He must think you are pretty incredible" I just sat there shocked at what just happened. President Samuelian proceeded to tell me that my companion and I are lucky to be so like-minded. He said a few more things about prayer and ended by saying I hope you know none of this was me talking, it was all God. i thanked him and of course left crying. (shocker ;) )

We had an amazing devotional Sunday night and had the opportunity to watch a video called, "The Character of Christ" by David A. Bednar and it was INCREDIBLE! I felt prompted to study the attributes of Christ to aid in mt journey to becoming converted unto Christ and urge you all to do the same :))

Now that this is an extremely long email, I just want to say how grateful I am for this gospel. I have a testimony that God lives and continues to give us inspired revelations to this day. I have a testimony that Jesus Christ suffered for our sins on the cross and knows exactly what we are feeling, and I can't wait to continue to learn and grow closer to my Savior to do the work of the Lord and to find and love His children :))

Keep smiling on! Love and miss you guys!!

Love, Sister Merrill

Sister Merrill & Sister Smith

MTC District

Cute companions at the Provo Temple

Provo Missionary Training Center

Lunch at Cafe Zupas before MTC drop

Special surprise visit from the Bass Family

Sister Syd!

She will be so missed!

Farewell Sister Merrill!  We Love You!!!

Mission Farewell

Sydnee’s Missionary Farewell Talk

When the bishop called me about my farewell, he gave me the option of using the theme of the month found in Matthew 16:24-25 or that I could choose something else if I wanted. When I read the verses, I thought to myself what better scripture to give my mission farewell talk on than these verses that talk about losing yourself and then finding it in Christ. The versus read: Matthew 16: 24-26 24- “Then said Jesus unto his disciples, if any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” 25- “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it” 26- “for what is a man profited if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul.” So how does one lose themselves for Christ’s sake and in what ways can we then find ourselves in Christ. The first thing that came to mind was service. Service stuck out to me because it has always been a big part of my life and who I am. I have always loved finding ways to help and serve those around me as Christ did and in doing so have felt his love for them and his love for me. I was also drawn to service, because for the last 7 months I have had the wonderful opportunity of working as a CNA at an assisted living home with the elderly and have been able to serve and love them. In a way they served me just as much or in more ways than I was able to serve them. They taught me how to selflessly love and care for those in need. They taught me patience and valuable life lessons such as enjoying the small and simple things of life and holding those I love close to me. The last reason I thought of service was because in just a few short days I will be set apart to be a full-time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints where I will get to selflessly serve the people of Edmonton Canada for the next 18 months and I couldn’t be more excited. I can’t think of a better opportunity than getting to go out and serve God's children and feel his love for the people he has prepared for me to find and teach about Him and His gospel. My life has been quite the roller coaster these last few months, full of all sorts of emotions. The Lord has provided many growing and learning opportunities for me that I was not expecting but I couldn’t be more grateful for them looking back. A hard lesson I have had to personally learn is that the Lord gives us trials and hard things in life, because he knows we are strong enough to handle them and he knows we are going to learn something from them, even when we don’t realize it at the time. A quote I found from a BYU Devotional in 2007 that I love reads, “The trials of this life will ultimately lead to joy if we patiently trust in God’s plan and discover how to use adversity to grow stronger.” God definitely threw some curve balls my way and I felt lost and confused and like I was alone, but as soon as I reached out to Him, I could start to feel his love in my life and feel as though He knew me and that I wasn’t forgotten. Amongst the trials, looking back I was able to see His hand in it all and come to know what I needed to learn from them. I was able to learn patience, long suffering and joy. I had been praying to feel His love for me and to feel that he still remembered who I was. A week or two had gone by and I had seen some small sparks and felt hope here and there but I hadn’t felt that I had received a full answer yet. The next week still wasn’t the best and I still felt alone and I had to take an exam for my summer school and really wasn’t looking forward to it but I went to campus took the exam, passed but didn’t do as well as I had hoped to and felt a little discouraged leaving. As I sat waiting for a ride back home I saw the sister missionaries walking along the sidewalk and my first thought was, crap what happens if they come over here, what will I say, what are they gonna say but then I brushed the thoughts aside and looked at my phone thinking they would just keep walking and go on their merry way. Well the next thing I know is they are walking up to me to talk. The one spoke first and said, “enjoying the beautiful sun?” to which I responded, “yeah it’s pretty nice” and then they just started talking. Then one of them said we wanted to know if there is anything we can do for you or anything we can help you with or answer any questions you might have, and I shyfully just said uhm I’m not really sure and then they asked if they could leave me with a prayer and if there was anything specific I wanted them to pray for so I just said, sure- for strength and guidance. So they start to pray and the one praying had prayed for what I had asked for but also that I would know what to do and that I would feel how much He loved me and was aware of me. They said amen and thanked me for the spirit and for being kind and right before they left they said, well we just wanted to let you know how much your Heavenly Father loves you and that He is aware of you and aware of your situation and what your going through and He is so proud of you. I was so shocked at what had just happened and couldn’t stop thinking that that was going to be me and that I was going to be inspired by God to talk to those who are in need just like I was. I got in the car and immediately started to cry as I told my mom about what had just happened - that Heavenly Father is listening to me and he answered my prayer and he knows me and loves me so how could I have forgotten that He is aware of me. I was so grateful for him and for the assurance I got that day. About a week later I received another witness that He answered my prayer when we got the sister missionaries side of the story. The sisters explained that they were never on campus that late and that stuff had come up that morning so they were unable to make it to campus that morning and how when they saw me they both felt an immensely strong feeling to come up to me and talk and to make sure I was doing okay. That was witness enough to know just how aware Heavenly Father is and how loving he is to be in the details of our lives. One of my favorite talks is from Elder Uchtdorf's November 2018 conference address, “Believe, Love, Do” in it he states, “The good news is, there is hope. There is a solution to the emptiness. There is a solution to even the deepest hopelessness and discouragement you might feel. This hope is found in the transformative power of the gospel of Jesus Christ and in the Savior’s redemptive power to heal us of our soul-sickness. “I am come”, Jesus declared, “that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly” We achieve that abundant life not by focusing on our own needs or on our own achievements but by becoming true disciples of Jesus Christ --- by following in His ways and engaging in His work. We find the abundant life by forgetting ourselves and engaging in the great cause of Christ. And what is the cause of Christ? It is to believe in Him, love as he loved and do as He did.” This is such a simple but profound reminder that there is always hope. There is no point of no return. His arms are always outstretched. There are multiple accounts found in 2 Nephi 19 where the people anger the Lord, but He made it known that His hands are outstretched still. There will be times in our lives where we may anger the Lord but He will never turn his back on us, He won’t be happy, His anger will still be there but his arms will be stretched out still and He will always be reaching down to help us because all He wants is for us to return to Him and make it back to our Father in Heaven and know that if we do our best and follow His plan and His commandments that he will be happy. What better promise than to know we don’t need to be perfect. I like the part where Jesus says, “I am come that they might have life and that they might have it more abundantly.’ It is only in and through Christ that we have life and with him it will be more than any of us could have made of our lives on our own. Something my cousin once said before she left on her mission that has always stood out to me is that, “we are imperfect people called to represent the only perfect person.” That is a huge responsibility and can be intimidating. It has been overwhelming for me to think that I have this great responsibility to go out and represent Him and the more I thought about it the more I became full of fear and started to get nervous. But the minute I turned my life over to the Lord and prayed for the strength to go on a mission and to do the best that I can to represent Him and emulate his light in my countenance for those I am about to go and serve, life got a lot better and I was overcome with peace, love and joy for the opportunity I have to go serve his people and love them as he does. Now how are we able to find ourselves in Christ. Just like Uchtdorf had pointed out in his address Believe Love Do, “We achieve that abundant life not by focusing on our own needs or on our own achievements but by becoming true disciples of Jesus Christ—by following in His ways and engaging in His work. We find the abundant life by forgetting ourselves and engaging in the great cause of Christ.” This again takes us back to service: we will find the abundant life by forgetting ourselves and engaging in the great cause of Christ by turning outward and losing ourselves in the service of others, by loving and serving as He did. This simple truth reminds me of the scripture found in Mosiah 2:17 which reads, “17 And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.” As I thought about the times I had felt lost, I thought of the ways I recognized Him and saw His hand in my life and how I was able to cling to that hope to find myself in Him again.

1- He places people in our lives in the most unexpected times, exactly when we need them and exactly when he needs us to know something. He placed multiple people in my life that have been huge examples and lights for me. They showed me the positive things when life was hard, they reminded me how much Father in Heaven is aware of me. And they were there during the hardest times and talked to me and gave me exactly what I needed at the time. 2-He is truly in the details. He is a part of each day each - He is found in every, hour, minute and second IF we are looking for it. He has always been in the details. He was thinking of me even when I didn’t think He was there. He provided me with experiences and people that I didn’t know I needed and has given me multiple signs of assurance for my mission. Not too long ago I let the overwhelming feelings and fear take over but someone was placed in my life that was able to help me understand that this is what I am supposed to do and that there are more things to be excited and happy about than scared. And amongst that time one of my dear friends reached out that I hadn’t talked to for a while and just texted me and said, “hey thinking of you” and that was reminder enough that the Lord inspires those around us as they are needed most in others' lives. I am so grateful for this gospel and for the infinite blessings it brings into our lives. There is a scripture I love in Deuteronomy that my cousin reminded me of in chapter 31 verse 8 which reads, “And the Lord, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee; fear not, neither be dismayed.” I know without a doubt in my heart that he will be with me every step of the way. He will always be aware of me and my companions and the situations we are in. He is aware of his people at all times and I could not be more excited for that too come to pass on my mission. A little less than a month ago I went to the Brigham City Temple and had been praying for comfort to help calm the fears I had of inadequacy of serving a mission. At the end of the session in the celestial room someone special reminded me of some scripture verses that were the comfort I needed. The one that especially stood out to me was found in Doctrine and Covenants 68:6 which reads, “ wherefore, be of good cheer and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you and will stand by you and ye shall bear record of me even Jesus Christ that I am the son of the living God that I was, that I am and that I am to come.” Again proof that he works through his children to help us. I would like to bear my testimony that I know this church is true. I know that Joseph Smith was a true prophet and that President Nelson is the true and living prophet on the earth today who guides this church through revelation. I know that we have an infinitely loving Heavenly Father who loves us beyond measure and I can’t express how grateful I am to have that knowledge. I am so excited to go out and serve His people and come to love them as much as He does. I can’t wait for the opportunities and experiences ahead and I can’t wait to learn and grow. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

Josh - Nathan - Syd - Zack

Kaden & Sara 

Grandma & Grandpa Merrill

Sydnee Rae with Great-Grandma Rae Leishman

Bailey & Sydnee

Cousins: Kaden, Sara, Syd, Bailey, Konnor, Katelyn, Stephanie

Pullins Family Cousins

Syd & Megan

Sydnee & Brian