Canada Week 24: There is opposition in all things

Hello everyone!  Wow - I hit 6 months!  I can't believe I am already a third of the way done with my mission!  The number of lessons I've learned here and the ways in which I've grown make the time almost immeasurable.  Before I left on my mission I was briefly told in passing that missions are hard, but never did anyone explain to my why or how.  People simply stated, "it's gonna be hard."  While I am grateful for that slight 'warning' per say, I never really comprehended or prepared myself on just how hard it would be.  This week was on the low of my everyday mission roller coaster I'm riding.  It has been harder than I ever thought it would be.  I know mission emails don't typically contain struggles, but I feel like I should share a little bit about what I learned from this low time.

Other titles to this email could've been:
*The power of Satan is as strong as we allow for it to be in our lives.
*Doubt despair and questions. have you unsettled?
*Personal conversion is a process
*Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us
*Being human is hard

Personal study has always been one of my favorite parts of my mission.  This is a time where I connect with my Heavenly Father and my Savior one on one.  This past week I found myself asking myself why I believed what I believed.  I grew up in the church.  My family has always been very active in the church.  I loved going to church and learning every Sunday in sacrament meeting and in my classes and developing my own testimony.  I have been taught that God is real - I have also been taught that Satan is real.  I can now testify that I have learned here in Canada that Satan is very very real!  He has a way to get into our thought process and mess with our emotions and drag us down to how he feels.  I have experienced small moments of this before, but this week was particularly hard and I had to hold on tight to God.  I got frustrated with myself that I was even questioning why I believed because I know this gospel is true and I know I have a Heavenly Father and Savior.  God has provided me with many amazing spiritual experiences in which I have attained this knowledge.  I allowed Satan to cloud my judgement and to cloud my memory of these amazing experiences.  I allowed him to drag me down into a rut and let me feel like I couldn't get out.  God allows there to be  "opposition in all things," so we may know the good from the evil.  At the moment I realized that I was allowing Satan to get inside my head and drag me down -  I also realized that God is more powerful and that I needed to turn to Him and hang on no matter how hard it got.

So the lesson (or rather lessons) I learned this week is this:  This is all part of our mortal experience and "shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good" (D&C 122:5-8) and will aid in our conversion process.  We can all attain and have a testimony, but until we are truly converted to the Lord in what we believe, our testimonies (in a sense) are not safe.  We have to continually add to what we know and what we believe.  We must continually strengthen our testimony.  Conversion is a lifelong process and at times we will experience our personal "refiners fire."  The pressure from how hard it can get allows for us to become what God needs us to be.  It is so important that no matter how hard life becomes we must always remember that God is there for us ALWAYS!  He understands that it is hard, but knows this is all part of our individual plans here on Earth. He knows what we will go through and how we will get through it because He knows this is the best way we will learn what we need to learn.  We have to trust God in all things and as hard as it is - it will be worth it!  Doctrine & Covenants 121:7-9 states, "...PEACE be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;  And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands."

I listened to a talk a while back where the speaker stated that Satan can mimic almost anything we feel but the difference is the peace we feel from God.  He can and will NEVER be able to give us the peace that God can give us.  We have to learn how that peace feels and how to cling to it at all times - especially when times get tough. I started writing down the times I have felt peace and when I recognized signs from God that He is real and that He is there.  This has really helped change my mindset.  I know when we look for ways that we are blessed and express our gratitude for these things, it can help us beat the adversary.  This will also soften our hearts so we may be more receptive to the word and to the spirit of God.

Even though this week was hard, there were still so many good things that happened here in Edmonton.  Once again - we need to experience the good and the bad to recognize how blessed we are - and usually the good times do outweigh the bad.  One great thing is that Rachel Crawford is here!  She is a sweet girl from the YSA ward I served in when I first got to Canada.  She quickly became a best friend and is now a VISA waiting missionary in this mission and she was placed in my zone!  She helped me though my first transfer and in return she expressed to me that I helped her through some really tough times.  God continues to be so good! 

My crazy mouth problem is getting a little better.  I have been taking an antibiotic all week and went to see the dentist.  His office was downtown so we drove there, paid for parking, and then were only there for ten minutes.  He wants me to come back this week to get an x-ray and figure out what is really going on.  After the dentist my phone died so we didn't have a map to get home.  We prayed that God would help us to remember and recognize the way we got there...and sure enough...we made it safely home!

My companion and I attended our ward relief society activity this past week and I was able to talk with some of the members and build a closer relationship with them.  I talked to one member about triplets!  Since I have 13 year old triplet brothers and she has 9 year old triplets it was really fun to talk about life with triplets!  Then another member came and told me how much her kids loved having me in their home.  It was so sweet.  I have been praying for an answer as to how my missionary efforts were affecting the ward and I was able to receive and answer through this wonderful member who I adore!

I LOVE being in the missionary choir!  The spirit I feel when singing was just what my heart needed after this week.  It was such a spiritual boost!  We had three performances in a row this past weekend on Friday, Saturday and Sunday evening.  I am so grateful for this opportunity to sing and to witness how the spirit that touches me through music also touches those who come to listen.  At one performance in particular the spirit was so strong!  After the program we get to mingle with people in the crowd and this night I was able to see a sweet lady we got to sing to at the hospital around Christmas.  Her husband was in the brain trauma unit and she had just been told they were going to take him off the ventilator when we came by to sing for her.  While we sang her favorite hymns she just cried.  It was such a tender mercy to get to see her again.  She was in tears at how beautiful the performance was and that made everything worth it.

I just want to say that if you are struggling - if you are questioning or doubting or wondering - I want you to know that I believe there is a God.  I believe we have a Savior who has felt EVERYTHING we have felt, or that we will ever feel, and even things we might not ever feel.  He experienced it ALL for us!  There is a wonderful and glorious plan for each and everyone of us and that each plan is perfect.  I know that the things we experience and go through are for our good and that they will teach us lessons that we can only learn and apply into our own lives.  Something is probably always going to be hard - so hard - but it is also going to be so worth it!  This is a weakness we have while on Earth.  It's sometimes hard for our mortal brains to completely comprehend or understand the power of God.  We just need to trust in His power and in His love and hold on tight to that.  I hope that you can all trust God wherever you are in your own personal conversion process.  I love and miss you all! 

Love, Sister Merrill

6 months as a missionary!

Sister Merrill & Sister Smith

All these beautiful sisters were in the MTC together

Beautiful blue-eyed girl!

Sister Costas & Sister Merrill

Sister Merrill & Sister Jensen

Missionary Choir Fun!

Sister Smith, Elder Savstrom, Sister Merrill

Always serving with that big smile! :)

Canada Week 23: Happy Valentines Day!

Hi there again!   Another week has come and gone!  It's crazy!  This week was a great one full of good, weird, and some disappointing moments.  I hope everyone back home is doing well and that you all had a Happy Valentines Day! 

This past week we had exchanges with our Sister Training Leader Tuesday through Thursday.  Overall it was super fun and I was able to learn a few things, but it was definitely on the harder side for some of it.  I am grateful that God allows for us to have a wide variety of experiences because He knows exactly what we need to learn and how we are going to learn it best!

God truly does work in the details!  The members here continue to be amazing.  We have worked so hard in our area with all the members, active or less active, and even part-member families.  We haven't been able to see too many fruits of our labors yet and I have been feeling really disappointed - like I haven't been making a difference - but God sure taught me a few lessons this week!  We had some really cool experiences with members this week.  I was able to learn and truly realize that this is God's work and I am SO blessed to be an instrument in His hands sharing the gospel to others.  This work takes time - miracles take time - and it is all measured in God's time.  This life sure is a great test of our faith.  We are asked to trust God over and over again with the timing of things and we don't always understand why.  This is where our faith plays a big role.  It really is exciting!   I am so grateful for the bounteous opportunities I am continually provided with to learn and grow!

At district council this week our district leader brought a bunch of random objects and gave one to each of us with the challenge to relate it to the gospel.  It was so fun and allowed for each of us to see just how natural and normal we can make the gospel part of our everyday conversations. This is a huge part of our member work vision in this mission.  We want the members to realize there are many ways they can share the gospel in normal and natural ways.  My companion and I actually did this same activity with a family one night and they loved it.  They came up with amazing relations to the gospel and then thought of people they knew that they could talk to and share the gospel with!  It was such a neat experience! :)

We had another great experience with some other members the other night.  We went to supper at their house and when we got there they told us they had come up with a list of some friends they could share the gospel with and wanted to introduce us to one of them that night.  We made cookies and wrote a little note to take with us.  We then went and met these neighbors, who aren't members, and the member we had supper with was super bold in his missionary efforts!  It actually took me by surprise to see someone that bold right off the bat.  It was inspiring and I'm excited to see where it goes. 

One of my favorite things I studied this week actually came about because of an infection I developed in my mouth.  I noticed it a few days ago and immediately got super down and wondered why this was happening to me right now.  It is a major inconvenience as a missionary to have any sort of illness or infection.  I kept saying "poor me" and played worse case scenario.  My sweet companion, Sister Costas, reminded me that everything happens for a reason and maybe me having this trial would allow for us to meet someone either at the doctor or dentist of wherever I needed to go.  She continued to remind me that there is a reason for everything!  Miracle time!  At church on Sunday we were talking to some wonderful members after church - one of which is less active who has been coming more and who we were planning on visiting after church anyway.  While we were talking, my companion explained to the member that I had this medical thing going on and that we maybe weren't going to be able to visit their home that afternoon.  Immediately he and his mother began asking me questions and wanted to make sure I was okay.  I felt so much love and could feel God's hand in the situation.  The waiting time at Insta-care that afternoon was 3 hours and I had a choir performance so I was getting stressed.  We soon found out the mom is an emergency nurse and the son is familiar with medical things and their brother is a dentist!  They gave me his number and I got in contact with him and explained what was going on.  He gave me the help I needed and even called in some antibiotics for me to take!  I was so grateful for this miracle!  Now because of this, we have a closer relationship with that family which may or may not have happened if this didn't occur the way it did.  So if I have to endure this infection, at least we now have a closer relationship with this sweet member family because of it.

I have been studying about trials and why they occur to us.  As small as this mouth infection is, it still isn't fun and it's hard to deal with when trying to serve and talk to people.  I was reminded of the prophet Joseph Smith's experience that "all things give us experience and will be for our good."  There is always something to learn!  President Eyring stated, "If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest as well as the easiest times in life can be a blessing."  I know that everything we go through will give us experience and will provide for opportunity to learn and grow!

We had our first missionary choir performance last night and it was one of the neatest experiences I've had on my mission.  The spirit there was so strong!  It was just a tender time to witness how strongly the spirit could touch and testify to the people there through music.  Music just moves people in ways that spoken words can't.  I am forever grateful that I get this wonderful opportunity to be a part of this mission choir.  I am excited to tour the Canada Edmonton Mission with the choir throughout the next month and meet people are share with them this amazing spirit that the music brings.  I love music and the way that it blesses me in my life!

I am just so full of love and gratitude this week for my Savior and for my Heavenly Father.  I am so grateful for their love for me and for all those around me! I'm grateful for their hand in my life and for the plan God has for my life and for all the people He places in my life that I get to meet.  I hope and pray we can all start to see just how loved each of us are and that everything we go through truly is for our good and for our experience!

I love and miss you all!  Have a splendid week! :)
Love, Sister Merrill

Happy Valentines Day!

MISSIONARY CHOIR

All the girls in the choir - 4 altos, 4 sopranos, 1 piano player

Sister Merrill is an Alto.  She also recorded voice audio for the program

Sister Smith & Sister Merrill 

reunited as choir members! Yay!

Love her!

Sister Cato & Sister Merrill

District photo

-re-creating an old photo for a birthday gift-

Another beautiful Canadian sunset!

Canada Week 22: There is always hope in God!

Hello my wonderful family and friends!  I hope all is well with everyone.  This was a super splendid week!  One major thing I was able to learn is that the Lord truly does bless us in our efforts over time - in His time.  The member work my companion and I have been working so hard on is starting to take flight!  Things are still a little slow but the members in our ward are starting to catch the vision and have even thought of friends they could talk to and invite to different activities.  We even got our first referral from one of our members that we are hoping to start teach soon!

There were some wonderful things that happened this week.  We had Zone Conference on Thursday and it was so much fun.  It was also a huge answer to my prayers because the entire focus of the conference was on member work and how to make it more approachable, effective and useful.  They provided examples of activities and lessons we could use that would get members thinking about missionary work,  The spirit there was so strong as we discussed this.  The whole vision of finding others through the members just feels so right!

The most amazing tender mercy happened at Zone Conference and it made my whole week!  An Elder in my zone came and asked me if I had met a certain lady at Walmart before and I told him yes I had.  He then explained to me that she was attending some workshop and she got talking to him about these sister missionaries that had stopped and talked to her and listened to her right there in Walmart and how grateful she was for them and how they changed her life!  HOW COOL IS THAT!  GOD IS SO GOOD!  I am so grateful for the little things God allows for us to see and take part in to feel of His love and mercy towards us.
   
I was blessed to attend a session at the Edmonton temple on Saturday and it was EXACTLY what I needed.  The time we were assigned was actually the Spanish session so I didn't understand a whole lot (I did use an English headset) but it allowed for me to really focus on the spirit and the feelings of the session and it was really incredible!

We had an elder as a companion for a couple hours this week.  We drive him to our missionary choir practice every Tuesday and Friday because there aren't elders close enough to drive him, and it takes him too long to bus, so our mission president gave permission for him to come with us.  After our last practice we had to wait awhile for elders to come pick him up so we got to be his companions.  We ended up sitting in our car for a while waiting so we decided to have a little picnic which was fun.  It's not everyday you can say you were in a trio with an elder on your mission. :)

My studies this week were good.  They mostly consisted of studying topics for the two talks I had to write.  I had the wonderful opportunity of speaking in my family ward yesterday.  It was actually a really neat experience writing the talk.  I was overwhelmed with not having enough time to write a good talk, but I did my part and studied and prayed, and then God completed it and made my thoughts just flow.  He helped me once again when I got up to speak.  I was praying for Him to help calm my nerves and as soon as I opened my mouth all my nerves were gone!  I am so grateful for the guidance of my Heavenly Father and for the blessings He bestows in my life! ♡  I studied and spoke on how we can turn to God in our weaknesses.  This gave me the opportunity all week to acknowledge how I've turned to God in my weaknesses.  I was able to reflect on my life, and my experiences, and even more so on my mission experiences and how I've turned and pleaded for God's help during those times.  Looking back, God's hand is in ALL - even when we don't see or feel it!  He is always there - He is always in the details!  It was also amazing to study stories from the Book of Mormon as well that related to other figures in the book turning to God during times of weakness.  I focused on Ether 12:27 -  "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."  God strengthened Moroni's weakness and with His help he was able to write this beautiful passage of scripture.  Similarly, Joseph Smith also had questions so he prayed.  His humble prayer was answered, and with God's help he brought about the restoration of this amazing gospel!  Neither of them were professionals or geniuses - yet they accomplished great things.  The same is true with each of us - we don't need to be anything but faithful and willing to do our best and set fear aside because with God we can do ANYTHING!

MEMBERS OF THE CHURCH HERE ARE AWESOME!  The spirit they have is so strong and so special and many of them have been immense examples to me on my mission.  We have done a lot of member visits and they all are working so hard and have incredible stories!  I have absolutely loved listening to their stories!  There is a sweet woman in our ward who was in a bad accident about 10 years ago that left her paralyzed from the chest down.   She uses this experience and write a blog to share how she has turned to God during hard times and how she has maintains hope in order to help others.  She completely amazes me.

I am so grateful to be a part of this amazing work and for the opportunities God gives me to meet people, to touch people's lives, to help, and most importantly to just love those I come in contact with - and even those I don't.  He is incredible and His perfect son, Jesus Christ, has become my best friend.  I will be forever grateful for everything He has done and continues to do for me.

Love and miss you all!
Love, Sister Merrill :)

Sweet Sister Syd!

I LOVE THE TEMPLE!

Sister Merrill & Sister Costas

Sydnee was chosen to do some voice recordings for the upcoming missionary 

choir performances.  She had to go to a recording studio this week to record her parts.  

Cut 5 inches of hair off this week! 

Her hair was to her waist so it was time!

Life is Good!  God is Good!

Canada is cold!