Canada Week 61: Just hold on, keep going!

Hello my wonderful friends and family!  Holy moly what a week.  This week was just a TOUGH week all around mentally, emotionally, spiritually, the whole show.  It was a very long, slow week and one thing after another just seemed to happen.  I know that everything happens for a reason, but it can sometimes get tricky to trust in that "someday it will work out and all make sense" part. 

Tuesday morning we received an email explaining that the mission had reinstated Covid rules and regulations under the direction of the Alberta health care code.  Basically we were told that with Covid cases rising we aren't allowed to be in any homes for now.  We also didn't have many lessons set up but God helped us out, and we were able to get a couple lessons set up for next week.  Then on Thursday EVERYTHING we had set up cancelled.  We also had freezing rain and hail all day.  On Friday we were told that we weren't allowed to leave the apartment that day for any reason due to 2 missionaries in the CEM testing positive for Covid in the city.  Because of this we had a mandatory Zoom meeting on Saturday with our mission president.  He placed us all back into online mode for our missionary efforts for sure during the month of November.  We are still able to leave our apartments to get fresh air, go to stores, and get food as long as we wear masks and social distance.  I'm grateful we aren't on full lock down mode again, but it is challenging to do everything online.   

The week also had some good - it wasn't all bad.  God's tender mercies can always be found amidst the struggle.  First, when we were messaging some members to set up lessons one told us that she had been in contact with someone we are teaching that we haven't been able to get a hold of for the past couple weeks.  The same thing happened in our meeting last night that a different member was also in current contact with them.  They told us they are alive and well, and we counted this as a tender mercy in our lives.  Second, we met two amazing, wonderful humans at Walmart of all places.  Gods children really are everywhere! ;) We are hoping to start teaching one of them this week.  He was really interested in our church and wants to come check it out so hopefully he is able to come next week.  MIRACLES!  We have also been able to work towards our mission goal of three member lessons a day by contacting more of our ward friends for lessons.  Some fun things this past week were we got to hold puppies before lock down, a member brought us pizza, and we deep cleaned our apartment!   

I want to share a thought that has been racing around in my mind this week.  Do you ever feel as though there are a lot of things we need to do as Latter-Day Saints?  As members of the church?  As disciples of Christ?  A couple of the friends we are teaching brought up this concept.  They feel we as members are asked to do too much.  I found myself pondering this and then applied it to being a missionary.  Being a full-time missionary can often be overwhelming.  Something that I have learned is that it comes down to 3 simple things. 1 - Love God,  2 - Love others, and 3 - Love yourself.  If we do these three things everything will just begin to become a way of life instead of things we have to do.  When we continually do the things we are asked to do such as praying, reading our scriptures, following the commandments, sharing the gospel, they just become a natural part of who we are, and who we portray as we love God, others and ourselves.  By doing these things our light and example will shine through to others.  Others will see something is different about us and that is part of missionary work.  I was recently reading through an email a friend sent.  She shared a story from her institute class.  Someone asked, "how do we know when we are doing enough?"  The teacher responded,  "that is the wrong question to ask.  We should instead be asking if our hearts are all in!"  Our efforts will never be completely perfect, but the intention and sincerity behind what we do always matters.  That is the beautiful thing about grace.  Grace fills in where we fall short.  If we can simply just believe, try a little harder everyday to be a little better, then we are doing good, and it is enough. 

Lately it has been hard for me to feel that I'm "doing enough" because my numbers don't reflect anything.  I have always been happy with what I have been able to give God, but I sometimes let outside pressure get me down.  A mission friend shared some thoughts with me.  She said that when we get to heaven we aren't going to be asked if we baptized "x" amount of people, but rather we will be asked if we loved each and every person that God placed on our path.  Did we do as Christ did and love them as Christ would?  Were we a listening ear, a quiet comfort, or a helper?  Did we humbly and personally serve those we came in contact with?  This thought has brought me a lot of comfort and strength to me keep going because I absolutley love the people I serve.   

I just want to bear my testimony of the power of God's love and the power of His hand in our lives.  He truly looks out for us and watches over us night and day.  He is there to place the people we need at the exact moment we need them.  He is there when I hear the words of a song or come across a scripture verse that just hits the right heart spot.  I know He is aware of us at all time.  We just have to hold on.   

I love and miss you all dearly.  Go share a smile :)) 

Love, Sister Merrill 

Canada Week 60: Service, Cows and Trust!

Hey friends and family!  I hope everyone is well.  Well another wild week has come and gone.  I found out this morning that I will be staying for yet another transfer here in Drayton Valley.  Transfer #6.  9 months.  Half my mission.  God has a plan.  I am still serving with Sister Hill and we will continue to be the STL's for our zone.  Honestly I have mixed emotions about it, but I am grateful for the chance to be surrounded by all the wonderful people here for a little bit longer. 

This past week we were able to take part in some unique and wild service projects with members.  One day we helped some members round up all their cows and get them through the shoot to get preg checked.  Later in the week we helped some different members brand their cows and give them vaccines.  I tried branding one and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  I also was the vaccine girl with one of the members and it was actually so much fun!  For Halloween we dressed up as Elders for our supper, and then stopped by another member's home for a bit.  It was really fun!    

We were blessed again to have some really good member lessons, and lessons with other friends we are teaching.  It is so amazing to bear testimony and teach about Jesus Christ.  I know I've said this before, but I just feel so much love for the people around me when I teach them.  In a couple lessons we were able to bring up baptism which was so awesome!  A couple of our people are working really hard, and the spark is starting to ignite within them.  Our mission has a goal for every companionship to baptize by the end of November.  We are really trying our best to help our people progress and always appreciate your prayers.  I feel your prayers here and they are greatly appreciated! 

Here are a few thoughts from my studies that stuck out to me this week.  The first is from a scripture I came across in 2 Nephi 32:9 - it reads:

"But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul."

I really needed this simple reminder about prayer this week.  Prayer is so important and so powerful!  All we have to do it involve God in EVERYTHING, and in the end, He will make sure we are blessed no matter what!  I was super touched by this.  We are so blessed to have such a loving, merciful God who wants us to talk to Him through prayer. 

I have also been thinking a lot about trust this week - trusting in God.  I am going to fully trust in God's plan for me spending another transfer here in Drayton.  I am going to trust Him to help the missionaries in the CEM with our mission goal.  Honestly, I am trusting Him with everything in my life.  Trust is something I have often found myself pondering about.  Not gonna lie - serving a mission has been one of the hardest things I have ever done, and there have been some tough things I have had to get through.  I can also say with full confidence that as I have trusted God, He has always given me the strength I have needed to keep going.  Trust is giving God my all, and giving God my heart.  Trust is being WILLING to give up everything for Him, even though some days this may merely be the willingness of it and not the action.  We continually learn each day to give up what God needs us to so we can be the best we can be for Him and for others.  One of my favorite quotes is by Elder Neal A. Maxwell. "Faith in God includes faith in His timing."  Have you ever found yourself impatient with God's time table?  Too often this is me, but I am learning that if I have faith and trust in God, everything ALWAYS works out for the best.  It may not always work out how I thought it would, but it works out.  

Stay strong everyone.  Have faith and trust is God.  I know you can.  I can't imagine what life is like back home with everything going on from my little corner of Canada, but please know that each of you are in my prayers and in my thoughts.  I love and miss you all! 

Love, Sister Merrill 

Happy Halloween!

Cows

Canada Week 59: Pumpkins! Snow! Exchanges!

Hello from the wonderful cold, winter wonderland of the Great White North!  I hope everyone had a good week and that you smiled at least once!  It is always an adventure up here in Canada for sure.  My week wasn't too crazy, and as always, full of missionary fun and love.  Here are some of my thoughts and testimony from the week.  

I am so excited to say that one of my little best friends here, Brady Bryanton, received permission from his mom be baptized!  WHAT A MIRACLE!  We are still working with him and his family and it would be greatly appreciated if you could keep them in your prayers.  As for the other friends we are teaching, we were only able to teach a couple lessons this week.  One lesson that was really good was with Tresor.  We have been able to meet with him a couple times, and he always has really solid questions and a great desire to learn and really understand the gospel for himself.  It is incredible and I can't wait to see what God has in store for him.  Agency can sometimes be tricky to work with, and I often wonder how God has the patience for it.  Then I think about what a beautiful gift agency is, and how much it means to witness someone CHOOSE to follow Christ! 

This week we were blessed with some fun activities and service.  We helped some of our ward members with their Christmas chocolates.  They have a family tradition making Christmas chocolates and caramels and invited us to help them.  We spent a lot of time dipping, rolling, cutting and packaging - it was so fun!  They then sell some of them, but give most of them away.  Talk about a nice service full of love!  Friday and Saturday we went on exchanges with some sisters in our zone that Sister Hill and I are STL's over.  It was nice to have them come and visit us in Drayton Valley.  We all went and carved pumpkins with a member in our ward. We were joking that it seemed weird to be carving pumpkins with lots of snow on the ground, and then just ended up laughing about Canada's crazy weather.  It will be a fun memory! 

My thoughts this week have revolved around God's mercy.  What is mercy?  When I think of mercy I think of compassion.  Mercy goes beyond love.  God will never stop loving us, even though He may be unhappy with some of the choices we make.  When it comes time to meet God, I think His mercy will be conditioned upon our agency, and if we chose to fully repent when given the chance.  I also think about God being a just God.  If He wasn't a just God then we wouldn't need mercy.  We had a discussion on this topic with some missionaries this week and concluded with the following scripture:  

2 Nephi 2:13

 "And if ye shall say there is no law, ye shall also say there is no sin. If ye shall say there is no sin, ye shall also say there is no righteousness. And if there be no righteousness there be no happiness. And if there be no righteousness nor happiness there be no punishment nor misery. And if these things are not there is no God. And if there is no God we are not, neither the earth; for there could have been no creation of things, neither to act nor to be acted upon; wherefore, all things must have vanished away." 

Another thought I had about God's love and mercy stems from trial and hardship.  So many people often wonder why God?  Why this, why now, why me?  Why, why, why? Sometimes we fail to remember that it is BECAUSE He loves us that He allows trials to happen. I like this quote by Richard G. Scott that says, "When the trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidences that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more!"  Trials are evidences.  Have you ever asked God for evidence - for a sign that He is listening or that He cares or truly loves you?  This is when we can take a look at our lives - the good and the bad - and ponder upon things that have led us to where we are now.  There will always be evidence that God loves each of us.  Sometimes it can even be as simple as recognizing the details of coming to Earth at this time.  This is the exact time that God needed you to be here throughout all generations of time.  You are each so loved by God.  I can PROMISE you that! 

I hope that we can all put on our eternal glasses and remember WHOSE we are.  I tend to let myself get wrapped up in the complexities of things, or in being a perfectionist.  I have also learned that Satan loves using this against me.  But of this I am sure - GOD LOVES US PERFECTLY!  He isn't holding us to some level.  Even if there is a "mark" we need to attain, He will never be disappointed that we missed it.  He simply wants us to just keep trying! 

I love you all and miss you all.  Thank you for all the sweet messages, emails, love and support.  It truly means more than you know!   

Love, Sister Merrill <3

Making chocolates!

Canada Week 58: Jesus Christ knows us each individually

Well hello!  What a week!  It began in Drayton Valley with some really good lessons, visits, service and our first snowfall of the season.  Then we spent a few days in Edmonton on exchanges after a Zoom Zone Conference. 

This week we were blessed to meet with a couple of our people and it was such a neat experience.  Lately I have felt the impression and set a goal to be more bold in life and in missionary work.  My companion and I also decided together to just be bold in all our efforts!  During a lesson this week we were able to stress the importance of the decisions we make in the church, and how following Jesus Christ and God is so important!  This includes taking steps, such as baptism, to work toward the goal of entering the temple.  As a result of our boldness a couple of our people expressed that they want to work towards being baptized!   

Edmonton!  It was good to go into the city on exchanges with Sister Smith and Sister Simmons for a couple days.  It was so fun to serve with my cute MTC companion Sister Smith once again.  We were able to catch up while enjoying missionary work and made more memories like freezing our legs off and then thawing them in hot water!  While in the city we were able to see some of my favorite members.  The first night we had supper with the Sorochan family and it was just what my little heart needed.  Then the next night we enjoyed supper with the Sager family.  I met both of these amazing families during the first few transfers of my mission.  God truly knows exactly what we need at exactly the right minute!  I'm not sure I would be where I am today without them.  We also visited with the sweet member I lived with the first 7 months of my mission, and enjoyed lunch with some other missionaries.  Serving in an outlying town we don't get to see other missionaries very often so it was nice to see and catch up with all of them! 

The title of my email stems from a very needed conversation I had this week.  It was also a reminder that my Savior Jesus Christ knows us each individually.  I have been thinking a lot about the idea of generalization.  How often do we generalize our thoughts and generalize ideas and truth in the gospel?  How often do we merely think about things in a big general sense rather than in a personal sense?  Maybe no one does this - maybe it's just me?  Saying or hearing something is different than LISTENING and HEARKENING to that same thing.  As much as I have heard, and even often said, Christ truly is personal.  I guess sometimes I just have a hard time really thinking about it because then I start to think about all the people in the world and put it into a general sense.  This weekend I felt the spirit so strong as a member shared their testimony of the individual atonement of Jesus Christ.  I too know that our Savior Jesus Christ suffered and died for ME and for YOU.  I also know He knows EVERYTHING I feel because of His atonement!  He has atoned for each of us individually because He knows us individually and He loves us individually.  

I want to end by sharing a quote by Chieko Okazaki that was shared with me.  It touched my heart and I hope it does the same for you.  

“Well, my dear sisters, the gospel is the good news that can free us from guilt. We know that Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence in Gethsemane. It's our faith that he experienced everything- absolutely everything. Sometimes we don't think through the implications of that belief. We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind, about the suffering of the entire human family. But we don't experience pain in generalities. We experience it individually. That means he knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer- how it was for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ship sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced the gas chambers at Dachau. He experienced Napalm in Vietnam. He knows about drug addiction and alcoholism.

Let me go further. There is nothing you have experienced as a woman that he does not also know and recognize. On a profound level, he understands the hunger to hold your baby that sustains you through pregnancy. He understands both the physical pain of giving birth and the immense joy. He knows about PMS and cramps and menopause. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion. His last recorded words to his disciples were, "And, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world." (Matthew 28:20) He understands your mother-pain when your five-year-old leaves for kindergarten, when a bully picks on your fifth-grader, when your daughter calls to say that the new baby has Down syndrome. He knows your mother-rage when a trusted babysitter sexually abuses your two-year-old, when someone gives your thirteen-year-old drugs, when someone seduces your seventeen-year-old. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only children are visitors, when you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week, when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all that. He's been there. He's been lower than all that. He's not waiting for us to be perfect. Perfect people don't need a Savior. He came to save his people in their imperfections. He is the Lord of the living, and the living make mistakes. He's not embarrassed by us, angry at us, or shocked. He wants us in our brokenness, in our unhappiness, in our guilt and our grief.”

                   

I hope you have the most wonderful week!  Love and miss you all! 

Love, Sister Merrill